Wednesday, September 29, 2004

The Next Thing You Know...

"If we legalize gay marriage, then the next thing you know they'll want to start marrying goats."

I swear, I've heard this argument at least 17,000,000 times since Bush decided gay bashing should be a function of the federal government. Same-sex marriage is apparently the first step on a slipperly slope that will inevitably lead to some hot man-on-goat action. Which will of course lead to same-sex man-on-goat action. Oh, is there no end to the depravity?

Actually, this isn't the first pre-emptive strike against human/goat marriages. At one time, interfaith marriages were considered taboo because the Bible says, "Verily the intermingling of the faiths shall lead to copulation with the beasts of the field, and the man shall lay with the goat." I think it's in Deuteronomy somewhere.

Later, there was a lot of outcry against interracial marriages because of the old saying, "Once you've had black, you'll marry a yak." But the impassioned protests of the conservative groups (or "klaverns") went unheeded and another important roadblock in the path to wonton bestiality was removed.

So now, the ban on same-sex marriage is the only dam of decency that stands between us and a nightmarish, Orwellian future of endless goat orgies. If that barrier comes down, America will be lost in a flood of farm animal nuptials.

Or something like that. To tell you the truth, I sort of quit paying attention as soon as they said the word "goat."

If the homophobes can manage to scrape up a moderately intelligent person from their ranks, they might want to consider letting that person speak for them from now on. Seriously. The retards they've got pleading their case right now aren't doing them any good.

And if you're reading this and saying to yourself, "I don't know what most of them big words mean, but I do know I really hate them faggots," then all I can say is THANK YOU FOR VISITING MY BLOG, MR. PRESIDENT!


SJ said...

Thanks for your voice of reason in the din of...non-reason.

Anonymous said...

I am not really anonynous, just too lazy to do the sign up/in thing...Now,am I not as clever as our esteemed Mr. Irby, I do however have one snippet to share... the state where I live has an organization, The Christian Civic League....recently the Director was quoted in the newspaper, calling for all members of the state legislature to announce their sexual preferences....before the ink on the copy was dry, he was arrested, at 2 am, in the goat barn of the local University farm program...what would one make of that Mr. Irby?

Irb said...

I... I don't know!