Wednesday, April 28, 2004

The Collected Wisdom of Mina Lou Prior

My grandmother Mina Lou Prior (“Lynn” to her friends; “Mamaw” to her grandkids) was a veritable trove of pithy observations, as the following quotes should hopefully demonstrate. Three things you should know:

1. She often referred to herself in the third person (as “Mamaw”).
2. She cursed like a sailor.
3. She referred to my sister and me as “Tootsie” and “Chrisco” respectively.

So read on, and allow yourself to be drenched in the wisdom that was Mina Lou Prior…

On Hygiene
“Sugar, when you get as old as Mamaw, you learn to just wash what stinks.”

On Christ’s Agony on the Cross
“If I’d been Jesus, I’d have slapped the piss out of them!”

On Heredity
“She’s just the prettiest little thing and I don’t know how that happened because both her parents look like my ass.”

On Profanity
“Mamaw doesn’t cuss! She may use little tacky words like ‘shit’ or ‘piss,’ but I’ll have you know I was 40 years old before I ever used the F-word!”

On Beauty
“She’s really pretty for a colored woman.”

On Bonanza (and Me)
“I like ol’ Hoss. God bless him, he’s dumb as he can be, but he’s got a heart as big as all outdoors. He kinda reminds me of you, Chrisco.”

On Heirlooms
“Now Chris, Mamaw worked hard to make that quilt, and it’s the kind of thing that you’re supposed to keep in your family for generations. So don’t be letting your nasty-ass friends cover up with it.”

On Lying About Her Age (to her son and my dad, Jamie)
“Hell, Jamie! I can’t back up much further or I’ll run over you!”

On Dating
“Well, your daddy’s seeing a girl named Sherry right now. Of course, next time I talk to him, it’ll probably be a ‘Mary’ or a ‘Carrie.’”

On Clarification
“What in the shit are you talking about?”

On Home Protection
“Jamie, do you remember that time you got up to turn off the sprinklers and Mamaw came outside with her gun and almost shot you?”

On Scattergories™
“Well, how about dumbass? That starts with a D!”

On Fashion
“That mod shit just don’t look good on you, Chrisco.”

On Jim Nabors
“He sounds like such an idiot when he talks, but he can sing so pretty!”

No comments: