Thursday, May 27, 2004

It’s rough being a liberal in Texas. Seriously. At this point, I could get caught having sex with farm animals while wearing a Nazi uniform and, socially speaking, it would be a lateral move.

But here in the Bible Belt, where blind faith is a way of life, they continue to revere George W. Bush as perhaps the finest president this nation has ever known. And the most frustrating part is, none of them really seem to know why. If you ask them WHY they think Bush is the fucking messiah, their eyes glaze over and they start mumbling something about “terrorists” and “freedom.”

Clinton was a good president. He might have even been a great president, if not for his proclivity for lying, waffling, and getting blown in the Oval Office. That seems to be the general consensus among Democrats (at least the three or four that live here in Texas). We respected the man and appreciated all he was able to accomplish, but we were quite aware of his flaws. We supported him, but we weren’t blindly allegiant.

And it never occurred to us to refer to the multitudes of dissenting Republicans as “traitors” or “terrorists.” Because back in those days, America was still a country that encouraged free discourse. You could express your opinion without fear that some cousin-humping retard was going to stab you in the head with the plastic American flag he bought from MJDesign.

Bush and his Legion of Doom have dragged this country down to its lowest point since men stopped wearing powdered wigs. We’re devastated economically and reviled universally. We’re mired in a war that continues to claim the lives of those American soldiers that the Republicans pretend to love, and right now the only glimmer of hope on the horizon is Bush’s promise that somehow, everything will magically work itself out by June 30th.

But in spite of all of that, Bush enjoys the blind loyalty of the minority of voters that “elected” him. These rabid supporters maintain that Bush is a fine president, and that Clinton was the worst president we’ve ever had. The facts don’t seem to back this up, so I can only assume that they’re grading on some kind of curve.

Or they’re just too stupid to do the math.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Germans Love David Hasselhoff... AND ME!

So just out of curiousity, I did a Google search on Generika Adventures. For those of you who have managed to successfully tune me out for the past couple of months, Generika Adventures is an online comic written by me and drawn by the sexy and nubile Errol "Maximus" Pinto.

Anyway, one of the hits was a German board devoted to Neverwinter Nights. I don't speak German, but of course I was excited to see my name mentioned in such close proximity to "Calvin and Hobbes."

Being the curious little ass-monkey that I am, I ran the page through Babelfish. And I still have no idea what the hell those cagey Germans are talking about, but I'm assuming they meant it in a nice way.

Who missed it lately NWVault, which definite Website for Neverwinter Nights, an attendance abzustatten, which I would like to refer to the Comic "Generika Adventures" from Maximus and Chris Irby, which draws our loved play unrestrainedly by the cocoa. Today by the way is the 25. Consequence of the Cartoons appeared. The class of "Dailors of merry world of the game of roles" or a "Calvin and a Hobbes" is also graphically not reached above all, but the side is nevertheless always worth an attendance.

Monday, May 10, 2004

HIGHLAND PARK, Texas (AP) -- Police say they had no choice but to go by the book when they handcuffed a 97-year-old woman and took her to jail for failing to pay a traffic ticket.

They had no choice? I guess I can see that. You never know when an elderly woman is going to shoulder-check the arresting officer, throw him to the ground, and then escape into a nearby alley.

Hell, for all we know, she was one of those crazed, psychotic old women who was high on PCP and angel dust. I can imagine her on the ground, trussed and chained, giggling maniacally as she spit the chewed remains of the cop's ear into the dirt. Personally, I think the police showed remarkable restraint by not tasering her.

I guess it's a logical progression. Since we've run out of retarded people to execute, we've decided to refocus our energy on another group of hateful scofflaws who have long made a mockery of our swift but fair Texas justice. Nonagenarians. Or as they're known on the street, "Willard Scott's Wrinkled Posse."

Take that, old people! You don't FUCK with Texas!