Swimming Pools... Movie Stars... The Bel Aryans!

On Tuesday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger took a bold stand and announced that the U.S. should close its borders, because apparently he's tired of foreigners coming into this country and taking away jobs from hardworking Americans, such as former California Governor Gray Davis.

Well, it turns out that slightly more than 100% of the population of California consists of "foreigners," and these proud savages expressed their displeasure by offering up straw to their pagan gods and asking that Schwarzenegger be smited.

So now Schwarzenegger is recanting and blaming the whole "misunderstanding" on his poor English. "Because instead of closing [the borders], I meant securing. I think maybe my English, I need to go back to school and study a little bit." He then added, "Hasta la vista, baby."

Loyal Republicans rally in Sacramento
to show their support for Schwarzenegger.

President Bush, who made a similar blunder when he accidentally said "WMDs and Al Qaeda" instead of "liberating Iraq," is understandably sympathetic towards the misshapen statesman. In a press conference held Thursday morning, he had this to say:

"It's ludiculous to think one of the good foreigners like Schwarzenegger would adviculate closing the borders to all immigrators. It should be ovulous to anybody that he only meant to keep out the darker... oops, I crapped my pants again!"

No Democrats were available for comment, since their party was officially dissolved in 2002.