(formerly I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, YOU GODDAMN LIAR!) - STILL 98% PORN FREE!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The King of Vox Pop
Since it's inception, the Internet has been responsible for convincing millions of people that, somehow, their opinions matter. In that spirit, we* at I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, YOU GODDAMN LIAR!!! are proud to present a brand new segment where you, the opinionated dumbass, have a chance to sound off.
-------------------- *That's the royal "we." It's actually just me.
I am a straight white male between the ages of 17 and 44. I’m an Aries and a recovering Baptist. By national standards, I’m moderate in my politics, but by Texas standards I’m somewhere to the left of Lenin. I have a certain boyish charm that makes me irresistible to children, pets, and old people. I’ve grown indifferent towards the night life, and I no longer care to boogie. Like slightly more than 100% of the English majors I know, I’m a writer wannabe who has yet to get published. I am not now, nor have I ever been, “emo.” I have a singing voice that resembles the wailing of damned souls. I am the walrus, kookoo katchoo. I shot the sheriff. But, and I’d like to make this perfectly clear, I did *not* shoot the deputy. I once divided by zero. I used to think I had no discernable Texas accent, but a recent visit to Canada made me realize that I actually sound like goddamn Jethro. I believe the children are the future. And my hobbies include writing slash furry Star Trek fan fiction and sitting on the toilet until my legs fall asleep.
2 comments:
Laughed so hard I fell off the porch. Keep it going.
Michael, I mean John Doe's, crazy mustache makes me feel all itchy and dirty.
Fantastic!
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