Here’s the deal. I’m not a Christian. I haven’t been one for years.

My family suspects, but so far none of them have asked me outright. And I haven’t volunteered the information. Not because I’m ashamed, but because the last thing I need right now is my mom and sister being upset about the damnation of my immortal soul. I already get enough grief because of my politics.

The weird part is, I do believe in God. I don't buy into the invisible man who sits on a throne in the clouds and answers prayer chains, but I do believe in something greater than us, something well beyond our comprehension. My belief isn’t terribly deep or profound, it’s just by default. I believe in God because the alternative is just too scary to consider.

But my relationship with God is casual at best. I don’t bother Him, He doesn’t bother me… if He sees me in the hallway, we wave to each other and move on. I have a lot of questions, and I’ve made my peace with the fact that I will never have the answers to them while I’m drawing breath.

Which is my biggest problem with Christianity. It isn’t just enough to acknowledge the presence of God. These guys have to know EVERYTHING about Him. They want to know what He eats for breakfast, what side He parts His hair on, and whether or not He’s voting Republican. And when the answers to these questions aren’t readily apparent, they just make shit up and call it canon.

The Baptists believe that the Bible is the literal and perfect word of God. You know why they believe this? Because it says so in the Bible! It says right there in Genesis that God created the universe in six days, and that means he finished the job in exactly 144 hours. If you believe otherwise, then you’re just a liberal godless heathen who hates our American soldiers!

Like I said, God and I don’t talk that much these days. But I do occasionally run into other people that know Him, and they’re always happy to bring me up to date. Turns out that God hates fags, and He allowed 9/11 to happen because of feminists. Oh, and apparently He REALLY wanted Mel Gipson to make that Jesus movie, which was really nice. It’s always refreshing to see a father take an interest in His son’s career.

I guess that’s why I’m not a Christian. I have a hard time reconciling the God I believe in with the petty, tyrannical prick that the Christians have imagined. They want to believe in a God who is just chomping at the bit to send us to Hell if we choose the wrong religion out of the thousands offered. Or a God that would create a devastating and horrific disease and unleash it on the general population just because He disapproved of a certain lifestyle. Or a God that would allow thousands of people to die horribly at the hands of terrorists because He didn’t like the idea of women working outside of the home.

I don't believe in that God, and I never will. And if it turns out I’m wrong? Well, who wants to spend eternity in a Heaven filled with fundamentalist Christians?