Monday, May 10, 2004

HIGHLAND PARK, Texas (AP) -- Police say they had no choice but to go by the book when they handcuffed a 97-year-old woman and took her to jail for failing to pay a traffic ticket.

They had no choice? I guess I can see that. You never know when an elderly woman is going to shoulder-check the arresting officer, throw him to the ground, and then escape into a nearby alley.

Hell, for all we know, she was one of those crazed, psychotic old women who was high on PCP and angel dust. I can imagine her on the ground, trussed and chained, giggling maniacally as she spit the chewed remains of the cop's ear into the dirt. Personally, I think the police showed remarkable restraint by not tasering her.

I guess it's a logical progression. Since we've run out of retarded people to execute, we've decided to refocus our energy on another group of hateful scofflaws who have long made a mockery of our swift but fair Texas justice. Nonagenarians. Or as they're known on the street, "Willard Scott's Wrinkled Posse."

Take that, old people! You don't FUCK with Texas!

No comments: