Tuesday, April 13, 2004

“We were not presented with a plan. We were presented with a series of actionable items…”
-Condoleezza Rice, testifying before the 9/11 Commission

Okay, you have got to be SHITTING me! I keep hearing my Republican buddies, often with mouths full of Schlitz and pork rinds, yammer on and on about how “credible” Condi Rice is. Of course, they don’t add “for a colored girl,” but I know that’s what they’re thinking.

But how pedantic is that quote? I mean, JESUS! I’ll have to try the same tactic next time I get pulled over. “I wasn’t speeding, officer. I was simply in a state of advanced acceleration beyond that stipulated by the law.” If the cop is a Republican, I’m sure he’ll let me off with a warning. But if he’s a Democrat, then he’ll issue me a ticket because HE’S JUST A PETTY LIBERAL BASTARD WHO HATES OUR AMERICAN SOLDIERS!!!

Kind of makes me miss the old days, when the Republicans got their flowing white robes in a knot because Bill Clinton wanted to debate the meaning of the word “is.”

Condi also claims that our administration had absolutely no idea that Osama was planning on attacking the US prior to 9/11. Despite the fact that the President was issued a daily briefing on August 6, 2001 that was entitled “Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside the United States.”

So far, the administration has blamed their failure on the CIA, the FBI, the previous administration, cosmic rays from Jupiter, the cancellation of “Touched by an Angel,” the liberal media, gay marriage, and the French. Richard Clarke apologized for the part he had in the cluster fuck that led to 9/11, and that’s far more than Bush or Condi or the rest of the Legion of Doom have been willing to do.

Of course, that would go against the current administration’s policy, which is apparently to “Fuck everything up, and then pretend like it was what we intended all along.”

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