Okay, welcome to the digitally replicated tortured labyrinthine contortions of my inner psychic dungeons. I'm glad you're here. No, really. I'm not just saying that. Since you've gone through all the trouble of clicking on my link, I might as well tell you a little about myself. And if, in return, you'd like to tell me a little about yourself, fuck off and get your own damned blog!

I am a single white male between the ages of 17 and 38. I'm an Aries and a liberal. I was raised Baptist, which means I'm agnostic now. Children and pets love me. I have no discernable accent despite being born and raised in Texas. I like the night life. I like to boogie. Like 98% of the English majors I know, I'm a writer wannabe who has yet to get published. However, I quit my job last year to pursue the writing thing full time, at least until my inheritance money runs out. I am not now, nor have I ever been, "goth." I have the strength of ten men. I am stardust, I am golden. I can hold my breath for four minutes. I can speak fake Spanish, but cannot grow sideburns. I can Mash-Potato, I can do the Twist. And before the Texas Rangers caught up to me, I shot 44 men... one of them just for snoring too loud.

This is my first attempt at a blog, and the way I understand it, it's basically like a journal, except without all the serial-killer ramifications. Just like the other 9,288,753,409,217 blogs out there, I intend to bitch about crap that means next to nothing to the rest of you guys, and otherwise inflict my whiny, self-important opinions on those of you foolish enough to wander here.

So just sit back, relax, and let the deep hurting begin...