Runnin' with the Devil!

Ever since I received that alarming e-mail about how Madalyn Murray O'Hair had risen from the grave to get Touched By an Angel canceled, I've been a nervous wreck. I knew the hoary master of the netherworld was running amok in the new millenium, but I had no idea of the extent of his nefarious reach...

Until now!

The Sign of Satan, a secret gesture
known only to those who worship the devil
or listen to rock music.

Satan has infiltrated the Republicans:

George W. and Laura Bush
(The W stands for "Wucifer")

Dan Quayle
(He thought he was
selling his soul to Santa)

Tom Ridge
(But only after he took over Home Depot)

The Democrats:

Bill Clinton
(The man has had sex with Monica Lewinsky,
Paula Jones, and [allegedly] Hilary Clinton...
HE NO LONGER FEARS HELL)

John Edwards
(Satan thought he was psychic John Edward...
by the time he realized the mistake,
Crossing Over had already been canceled)

The Rulers of Foreign Lands:

Prince William of Wales
(Seen here using his powers of dark persuasion
to convince his brother Harry to dress like a Nazi)

Yasser Arafat
(Actually, it turns out Arafat was just an avid University of Texas fan)

Upstanding members of the Televangelist Community:

Benny Hinn
(His soul was severely undervalued,
so he also does Satan's lawn on the weekends)

Kenneth Copeland
(Who is not only flashing the devil sign, but is
apparently about to give his congregation the finger)

Our beloved Celebrities:

Randy Jackson
(Originally wanted to call the show American Graven Image)

Liz Taylor
(Perhaps the only one of Satan's minions entitled to a refund)

Amy Grant
("Baby, baby, I'm taken with the notion...
TO FEAST ON YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!")

And finally, our Superheroes:

Spiderman
('Nuff said, True Believer!)

And as the tendrils of the nefarious satanic conspiracy continue to make like Bill O'Reilly and reveal themselves, I can't help but wonder if there's anybody left to stand against them. Somebody brave and stalwart enough to kick evil in the nutsack and make it his bitch. Somebody like...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!