Saturday, May 07, 2005

Put Them All Together, They Spell MOTHER...

Well, it's Mother's Day weekend. In about an hour, I'll be hitting the road for Winnsboro, Texas (population 3,584... SAAAAALUTE!!!) to spend the weekend with my mom, grandmother, and great-grandmother.

Yes, my great-grandmother. Although, to be honest, I guess she's actually my STEP-great-grandmother. (She's my grandfather's stepmother, and she's actually only eight years older than him. Great-granddad was robbin' the cradle!)

As I do every Mother's Day, I'll be setting foot inside the First Baptist Church on Sunday morning, despite the fact that holy scriptures usually cause my skin to blister.

Mother's Day turnout is always huge at First Baptist in Winnsboro (even bigger than Easter!) because they always go through this ceremony of recognizing the mothers and giving them carnations. Then they go through and give special recognition to the oldest mother and the mother with the most children present. These ladies get roses.

(I've heard that they used to give an award to the youngest mother as well, but they stopped after a 14 year old girl won it one year.)

There's one old woman who only shows up for church on that one day, because she's 94, which makes her a shoe-in for oldest mother. As you might imagine, this really pisses off my great-grandmother, who's 92 and shows up for church every week.

Anyway, as cynical as I pretend to be about most things, I love these ladies dearly and I'm glad I'll get to spend Mother's Day with them. I'm also glad they still don't know about this blog, because if they had any idea how often I use the f-word, the three of them would tackle me and cram a bar of Lifebuoy down my throat.

So before I make like a baby and head out, I'd just like to take this opportunity to say Happy Mother's Day to SJ and Boidy and the rest of the MILFs* who frequent this blog!

Happy Mother's Day, gals!

*Just kidding. Sort of.


SJ said...

Thanks for the Mother's Day wishes. And yes, by god, I loooovvveee being called a MILF. It just means my hotness factor is not lost on those who have never ever seen me. As McDonald's says,....I'm lovin' it.

Amanda said...

What's an "MILF" and am I one? Do I want to be one?

I loved that bit about the youngest mother being 14. Har!

Sylvana said...

Here in Wisconsin Mother's Day Weekend is the first weekend in the fishing season. I'd like to know what jerk decided that.

SJ said...

Amanda, MILF is "Mother I'd Like to Fuck" (sorry, didn't feel I should sugar-coat the MILF). If you'd like to be one, well, that's between you and your MILFness.

SJ said...

Sylvana, I'm so glad I don't live in the fishing universe. We're just bored to death with football and assorted other sports here. If I had to contend with fishing, I'd go insane.

Irb said...

SJ: You are the MILFiest, baby!

Amanda: SJ explained it much more succinctly than I ever could, so by now you're either excited by the prospect or you've filed a restraining order. Either way, I respect your decision.

Sylvana: Fishing sucks titanic monkey wang, and you have my sympathies.