Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Zen and the Art of Comics...

If you've spent any time around me, you know I can't go more than seven seconds without mentioning Generika Adventures (the online comic written by me and illustrated by prodigious man-child Errol "Maximus" Pinto).

The way it works is that I send Maximus this:

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Strip #78
The Temple of LMNO Evil – Part I


Panel 1:
We see two doorways within the Temple of LMNO Evil (I’m thinking the Ruins tileset would be about right, but you make the call), divided by a barrier of sorts (fence placeable or sawhorses). GILLETTE, MAYNARD, ELIMAE and GROKKO all stand in the doorway to the left. (If you can manage a turnstile in front of them, that would be great. Otherwise, don’t sweat it). They look slightly worn from standing in line for the past two hours. There are several ADVENTURERS making their way out the door on the right. An Exit sign hangs over the right-hand door.

Caption: The Temple of LMNO Evil…

Gillette: Praise Noehtal. We finally made it through that accursed line.

Panel 2:
The party is walking past a fake PHONETICUS, with a ridiculously cartoony head. He is dressed in a cheesy robe with letters all over it, and he holds a staff with a large A on top of it. We see many ADVENTURERS milling around. GILLETTE looks disgusted by the whole scene.

Phoneticus: Howdy, folks! Welcome to the Temple of LMNO Evil, where adventure is yours for the taking! And don’t forget to visit our gift shop on your way out, for a souvenir of your dungeon-delving derring-do.

Gillette: Disgusting.

Panel 3:
The party is walking past the food court. We can see the SIGNS of several restaurants, plus a BANNER hanging overhead. There are also tables and chairs in the area, and lots of ADVENTURERS milling about (as usual). (Work in as many of the signs as you can, but don’t worry if they won’t all fit.)

Banner: FOOD COURT

Sign: Alphabites!
Sign: Renfru’s Authentic Dwarven Kitchen
Sign: The Eatin’ Ettin
Sign: Burger Khan
Sign: Leaping Lizard Shanks

Gillette: This place is a travesty, a blatant mockery of the fine tradition of adventuring.

Panel 4:
The party is walking past a large courtyard littered with rubble and debris. A number of ADVENTURERS are “exploring” the area. In particular, we see two MEN in modest armor excitedly peering into a barrel. A BANNER hangs overhead.

Banner: ADVENTURE CORNER

Man: Woohooo! There’s 3 gold pieces in this barrel!

Gillette: Nothing but a bunch of poseurs and wannabes, who wouldn’t know a *real* adventure if it sank its considerable fangs into their soft, flabby posteriors.

Panel 5:
The party is walking past a stage, where a bunch of ADVENTURERS are gathered. On the stage is GUNTER, a large and burly man. He is juggling three HALFLINGS. GILLETTE is still ranting on, but the rest of the party has been distracted by the show. A BANNER hangs overhead.

Banner: GUNTER THE HOBBIT JUGGLER

Gillette: It’s truly sad. If my former colleagues could see just what has become of their once noble profession, they’d spin in their crypts.

Panel 6:
GILLETTE is walking alone past a stage with a drawn curtain. A SIGN sits on or near the stage, and a BANNER hangs overhead. A few (not many) ADVENTURERS are milling about the area.

Banner: THE FALL OF THE ALPHABET CULT
A Historical Re-enactment with Hand Puppets

Sign: Next Show – 3:15

Gillette: No respect for tradition. That’s the fault inherent in this whole gaudy affair. These people have absolutely no regard for…

Panel 7:
The same scene as panel 6, only GILLETTE is no longer walking. He has just realized that he’s been abandoned.

Gillette: Um, guys?

Panel 8:
We’re back at the halfling juggling show from panel 5. GILLETTE is standing to the side, glaring angrily at the other three. MAYNARD and GROKKO are watching the show excitedly. ELIMAE is looking at GILLETTE with a huge grin on her face.

Elimae: Aww, come on, Gillette! It’s *hobbit* juggling!

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And he then turns it into this:



Click. Read. Repeat.



Anyway, I usually manage to stay a day or two ahead of the schedule, and most of the time, I have at least a vague inkling of where I'm going with the story.

But on Sunday, I swear I got into a zone! I sat down around 9:00 in the evening to knock out a couple of strips. The next thing I knew, it was 3:15 in the morning and I'd churned out 16 of the goddamn things!

I don't want to give too much away. So I'll just say that our intrepid adventurers have faced down some pretty tough adversaries in the past: socially-retarded wizards, alphabet cultists, trolls ("U SUK L4M3R5!!!"), and a fungus demon. However, soon they will find themselves face to face with the most insidious evil in the universe... Ann Coulter!!!

I swear, this shit practically wrote itself. I love it when that happens!

3 comments:

ix said...

dude! you are teh r0xx0r.
seriously, it is awesome stuff.

KOM said...

I don't know about even mentioning Coulter's name. I have it on good authority that if you say her name 3 times, she'll appear at your elbow as stealthy as a ninja and give you a lethal dose of the hate that hovers around her like fallout.

Irb said...

IX: no m4n!!! u da r0xx0r!!! 1 f34r ur l33t 5k1775!!!

Kom: I'm pretty sure that's not true because I often scream out Ann Coulter's name when I'm having sex with cross-dressing prostitutes. Don't know why. Must be the adam's apple...