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WMDeeeenied!!!

The Iraq Survey Group (a CIA/Pentagon team searching for Iraqi weapons programs) announced that their search for WMDs has been exhausted. They didn't find any. And no, Saddam didn't ship them to Syria.

You know, if Bush would just come out and say, "Okay, we fucked up. But at least some good came out of it," then I might respect him slightly. Not much, but at least the same level of respect I have for that goddamn State Fair chicken that always beats me at Tic Tac Toe.

But I'm not holding my breath. Bush has been blessed with supporters who have absolutely no long term memory, and most of them already believe that the only reason we ever went into Iraq was to overthrow Saddam and spread democracy. They also believe that Saddam was responsible for 9/11 and that Bush was a fighter pilot. They're not the brightest burning crosses on the front lawn...


Bush Gets Punk'd

Here's a story about a false alarm that sent Bush scrambling to an underground shelter today. For those of you too lazy to click or who are afraid that CNN is just a pawn of the satanic left-wing, here's the skinny:

There was a report that an unidentified aircraft had entered restricted space near the White House, so security officials ushered Bush from the Oval Office to an underground shelter. Security officers armed with shotguns then took up positions around the White House, because everybody knows it takes a shotgun to blast an airplane out of the sky.

Vice President Dick Cheney wasn't at the White House at the time, but he showed up a few minutes after the scare ended. What CNN doesn't report is that Cheney was giggling and kept saying, "I can't believe the dumb fuck FELL FOR IT! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Bush was available for comment, but the senior staff all agree it's generally not a good idea to let the president speak.


An End to the Delay on DeLay?

The House GOP has backed off on the ethics rules that were sheltering Tom DeLay. It makes me wonder if the Republicans are going to stand behind DeLay, or cut him loose and make him their new bastard stepchild. At the moment, Bush is speaking out heavily in favor of DeLay, but that doesn't matter. It's not like any of his supporters are going to remember it...

(By the way, Tom DeLay claims that he didn't serve in the military during Viet Nam because their ranks were already filled up by men of color who saw military service as an excellent means to escape the ghetto. That has nothing to do with this news story, but it's so fucking retarded that it's bears repeating...)


Proactive, Not Radioactive!

President Bush is planning on unveiling his new energy initiatives today, including plans to simplify nuclear power regulations.

Okay, that scares the living fuck out of me, because when Bush says "simplify," he usually means "relax" or "do away with altogether." If his past environmental performance is any indication, I imagine he'll propose a "Mutation Free Initiative," which will permit the burial of waste under schoolyards and playgrounds.