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It's All About Me
- Irb
- I am a straight white male between the ages of 17 and 44. I’m an Aries and a recovering Baptist. By national standards, I’m moderate in my politics, but by Texas standards I’m somewhere to the left of Lenin. I have a certain boyish charm that makes me irresistible to children, pets, and old people. I’ve grown indifferent towards the night life, and I no longer care to boogie. Like slightly more than 100% of the English majors I know, I’m a writer wannabe who has yet to get published. I am not now, nor have I ever been, “emo.” I have a singing voice that resembles the wailing of damned souls. I am the walrus, kookoo katchoo. I shot the sheriff. But, and I’d like to make this perfectly clear, I did *not* shoot the deputy. I once divided by zero. I used to think I had no discernable Texas accent, but a recent visit to Canada made me realize that I actually sound like goddamn Jethro. I believe the children are the future. And my hobbies include writing slash furry Star Trek fan fiction and sitting on the toilet until my legs fall asleep.
Visitors since 3/12/2008
Muahahahahahahahahaha!
9 comments:
If all news were like this, I would be glued 24/7. What if we staged the 'real" news with the likes of tabloid talk shows? OMG- let's talk ratings!
Apparently FOX and CNN both discovered that the "news" is a real downer that tends to drive away viewers. CNN addressed the problem by dividing their coverage between the war in Iraq, Britney's children, and a mule that learned how to drive a car.
FOX, on the other hand, decided to take a "half full glass" approach and is now attempting to do stories on all the cars in Iraq that *haven't* exploded and killed people. That is, when they're not busy trying to expose the oppressive liberal Democrat regime that came into power in 2006, yet is so unbelievably mighty that it caused all the problems Bush has faced since 2000. Maybe Nobel Prize winner Al Gore invented a time machine...
And in case you're wondering, the final news item scrolling along the bottom of the screen was going to read "HILLARY ORDERS PUPPIES SHREDDED TO FUEL BIBLE BURNING MACHINES," but I ran out of room :-(
Mule driving a car? Was this a real story? Are you teasing me? Puppies burned to fuel Bible burning machine? Uh man, it's kittens that fuel the Bible burning machine! Kittens!
I've been skimming your archives... funny stuff! But alas, a horrible discovery! you're one of those who blogs and then stops for HUGE periods of time leaving us readers to wonder if you are dead or ever coming back... oh no- don't do it again!How will I ever continue my affair with your blog if that happens?
Kittens are the traditional fuel for Bible burning machines, but with all the trouble in the Middle East, Hillary is all about exploring alternative sources. You know, sort of like Bush's plan to develop a Hum-V that runs on switch grass and orphans.
I know. I'm a total blog tease. At one time, my faithful readers numbered into the elevens and twelves, but now my frequent falling off of the blog wagon has driven them away. But between recent personal issues, the upcoming elections, and my rediscovered hatred for all things Hannity & Colmes, I think I might just be able to dig up enough vitriol to sustain me through 2008.
(Did you notice I used the word "vitriol"? I even looked it up to make sure I was using it correctly. Desperately trying to impress the English teacher here ;-)
She is completely impressed... :)
Irb-You're such a suck up.
Vitriol... Isn't that the lubricant Americans put in their automobile engines during WWII?
And DANG! You go 5 months, 2 weeks, 2 days, 23 hours and 26 minutes between posts, and then you just friggin EXPLODE.
Cool.
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