Thursday, October 25, 2007

Jokes My Dad Told Me - Part III

A preacher was meeting with three couples who wanted to join his church - an older couple, a middle-aged couple, and a young newly-wed couple.

"Now, love is important in a marriage," he explained, "but love of God is the most important love of all. Before you can join our flock, you must prove that you can put God before your own physical needs. I want each of you to abstain from sexual congress to prove your devotion to the Lord." All three couples agreed this sounded like a fine and noble endeavor, and so they went on their way.

The following week, the preacher met with the three couples to see how they had fared. He asked the older couple, "My children, were you successful? Did you manage to abstain from the wicked temptation of the flesh?" Both shrugged and said, "Sure. No problem." Smiling, the preacher spread his arms and said, "Then I welcome thee into the flock."

Next, he asked the middle-aged couple, "My children, were you successful? Did you manage to abstain from the wicked temptation of the flesh?" The husband nodded and said, "It was a bit rough, preacher, but we persevered and I feel we're all the stronger for it." Spreading his arms again, the preacher smiled at them and said, "Then I welcome thee into the flock."

He turned to the young newly-wed couple, who were shifting nervously and unable to meet his gaze. "And you, my children," the preacher asked. "Were you able to abstain from the wicked temptation of the flesh?"

The wife just looked at the ground and couldn't speak. The husband said nervously, "Well, preacher, I'm afraid we weren't. We held out for four days, but... well... my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent down to pick it up, I just couldn't resist any longer. I jumped her and we had sex right there on the floor."

The preacher nodded sadly. "I'm sorry, my children. I hope you understand I won't be able to invite you to join our church."

The husband sighed. "That's okay. I don't think they're going to let us back into Kroger's any time soon either."

4 comments:

Professor said...

I'm giggling in a classroom full of silent children... thanks a lot! ;)

scarletvirago said...

Jeez-us, when you come back, you come back with a vengence, don't you?

(Um, despite the post I'm attaching this to, I didn't mean that in a sexual way.)

Anyway, glad to see you're back entertaining our voyeuristic tendencies!

Farrago said...

I'd heard this joke once before.

That said, I read it this time and laughed out loud.

Have I ever mentioned I can never remember a punchline? I tell ya, I'm GREAT at parties... :/

Irb said...

I used to date a girl named Sherry who couldn't tell a joke to save her life. She said the problem was that they were too long and there were too many details to remember, and she begged me to teach her a short joke she could tell people. So I went with this one:

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
"Does it smell like carrots to you?"

She loved it, and she went to work on it. She recited it to me again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again for like four days. And then, on Friday, we were having dinner with some friends of ours, and Sherry excitedly announced that she had a joke. She took a deep breath and said, "Why did the snowman smell like carrots?"