Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Gay Nineties

You know, the Victorians really get a bad rap. Everybody thinks they were a bunch of sexually repressed prudes who were ashamed to admit that even their furniture had legs. But I was an English major, and I read my share of Victorian literature. And I'm here to tell you that these were some of the filthiest perverts to ever put pen to paper. Don't believe me? Here are a few actual quotes from books that YOUR CHILDREN MAY BE READING IN SCHOOL AT THIS VERY MINUTE!

"No, indeed," returned his daughter. "We are all pretty gay here, thank Heaven! Ain't we, father?"
     David Copperfield, Charles Dickens

"Very sorry to knock you up, Watson," said he, "but it's the common lot this morning. Mrs. Hudson has been knocked up, she retorted upon me, and I on you."
     The Adventure of the Speckled Band, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Hansel and Gretel gathered faggots together, as high as a little hill.
     Grimm's Fairy Tales, The Brothers Grimm

Well, well, well! Stubb knows him best of all, and Stubb always says he's queer; says nothing but that one sufficient little word queer; he's queer, says Stubb; he's queer -- queer, queer; and keeps dinning it into Mr. Starbuck all the time -- queer, Sir -- queer, queer, very queer. And here's his leg!
     Moby Dick, Herman Melville

His landlady came to the door, loosely wrapped in dressing gown and shawl; her husband followed ejaculating.
     The War of the Worlds, H.G. Wells

Disgusting! Yet oddly titilating...

4 comments:

SJ said...

what happened with Stephanie?

Farrago said...

Oh, Irb, come off it! You know damn well that Holmes couldn't possibly have knocked up Watson! In that regard Watson was more devoted to Monsieur LeCoq.

Professor said...

Ah literature....

And I want to know about Stephanie too!

Kimberley said...

Those damn gnats just made me pee in my pants!