"I just got through designing another quest for World of Warcraft."
"Oh yeah? Tell me about it."
"Well, basically Ginko the dwarf wants you to kill some Swamp Orcs and bring him back 10 Orc Fingers."
"Sounds pretty straightforward."
"Not really. The Orc Fingers are a pretty rare drop. You'll probably have to kill somewhere around 3,000 Swamp Orcs before you get enough Orc Fingers to complete the quest."
"So... not all the Swamp Orcs have fingers?"
"No."
"How do they hold their swords?"
"It doesn't matter."
"So, what level is this quest?"
"That's the cool part. The Swamp Orcs are around level 10, so it's a level 10 quest. But I've bunched them together in groups of 5, so you can't possibly fight them one at a time."
"Cool!"
"Plus, I've given them a ridiculous aggro, so as soon as you attack one, every single Swamp Orc on the continent will come at you."
"Wow, I love this quest!"
"And some of the Swamp Orcs are spellcasters, so they'll be pegging you with lightning from about two miles away."
"Genius!"
"And I've got a bunch of elites wandering around in the area too, just to make sure the players get killed a lot."
"I salute you, my friend. You have totally outdone yourself this time."
"I haven't even told you the best part yet. The graveyard is all the way on the other side of the map, so every time the players die, they'll have to waste 20 minutes getting back to where their body is."
"..."
"Are you okay?"
"I think I just came."
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That kind of reminds me of a conversation at Namco some twenty-five years ago...
"Hey, what do you think of this? Imagine a yellow anamorphic ball in a maze."
"Go on."
"Okay. You play as the ball, and the object is to eat all these smaller white balls throughout the maze, while being hunted down by a pack of ghosts."
"Why ghosts?"
"I don't know, because they're scary. People wouldn't know to run away from them if we made them bunnies or something."
"Fair enough. Bu-"
"Oh, and there's these power-ups in the corners of the board that briefly make you invincible, and during that time you can eat the ghosts! How's that for a twist?"
"Wow. That's good. I mean, I didn't see that coming."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. There's just one problem, though."
"What's that?"
"We already made that game. It's called Pac-Man."
"Ah, but that's the best part! THIS anamorphic yellow ball has lipstick and a red bow. I call it Ms. Pac-Man."
"You're blowing my mind, Frank."
Now I'm depressed...I used to think I was a nerd, but now I know I was living a lie.
Is this like Pong? Because if you take away all the Swamp Orcs and Dwarfs and spellcasters and Orc Fingers and cool graphics and stuff, it sure sounds alot like Pong.
mmmmmmmmmmmm, pong…
John: Given that Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man are both anamorphic yellow balls, I'm still waiting for a satisfactory explanation for Pac-Man Jr. I guess they could have adopted...
SSB: The world of nerdiness is a rich, vast kaleidoscopic tapestry, my friend. And I believe your D&D past and your obsessive knowledge of The Simpsons should be more than enough to give you the nerd cred you so deserve.
Mr. Schprock: Yes, it's just like Pong, only with more blood spray.
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