I guess I just haven't felt much like blogging since the election. What can I say? Slightly over half of our nation's voters put on their plastic pants and special helmets and boarded the short bus to vote George W. Bush back into office. Now, thanks to their efforts, our president is hard at work, protecting us from terrorists, moderates, and our own gayness.
On November 4th, the British tabloid Daily Mirror asked the very poignant question, "How can 59,054,087 people be so dumb?" It's a good question. Where do stupid people come from, and why are there so many of them around?
You see, back in the 1800s, when this country was young and Barbara Streisand was only in her mid-40s, times were tough for idiots. It was utterly Darwinian! The strongest and smartest managed to survive and procreate, while the morons were killed in blizzards, trampled by herds of carnivorous buffalo, or murdered and eaten by packs of wild, blood-thirsty Indians.
I'm sorry. I mean Native Americans.
Even up through the 1970s, survival required at least the occasional blip on the EEG. But then, in the 1980s, the tide somehow turned. Suddenly, stupid people became a protected species. We began inundating them with warning labels and commerical disclaimers to keep them from driving their cars through walls or heating up some Pop Tarts while they were in the bathtub.
And now, we live in a Moronic Golden Age where parents sue their TVs for telling their children to set themselves on fire. Rather than weed out the idiots, we've created an environment conducive to their survival. And unfortunately, that moron gene appears to be quite dominant, especially in the red states.
So the idiots have spoken and chosen one of their own to lead them. But I hate to come off as pessimistic. Rather than see America as slightly more than half-full of dumbasses, I prefer to see it as nearly half-full of people who aren't gun-totin', NASCAR-watchin', cousin-humpin' retards.
But you know us liberals. We're naïve to a fault!
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4 comments:
"Slightly over half of our nation's population put on their plastic pants and special helmets and boarded the short bus to vote George W. Bush back into office."
OMG. That is the funniest shit. I am serious. That's the best way I've heard that put. I am glad that I am not the only one that felt literally ill the day after the election.
I just was skipping around the blogger site and found yours. I am sure to come back again.
Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.
-F
I've missed your posts. So thanks for returning with some great (non-Jack Chick) stuff.
Look at your words.
"So the idiots have spoken and chosen one of their own to lead them. But I hate to come off as pessimistic. Rather than see America as slightly more than half-full of dumbasses, I prefer to see it as nearly half-full of people who aren't gun-totin', NASCAR-watchin', cousin-humpin' retards.
But you know us liberals. We're naïve to a fault!"
That is exactly why you are naive to a fault. I think you should add conceited and arrogant to your naivete as well. I shake my head in befuddlement.
Wow. Humorless, anonymous, and conservative. I think we just hit the crappy post trifecta!
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