Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Revenge of the President George Bush Tollway

So I got into a car wreck last week. A big one.

Most Thursdays, Sean and I get together to work on our next play (tentatively titled "Captain Phantasm vs. the Nefarious Dr. Noir: A Melodramatic Serial in Three Parts"). Usually, I'll swing by his place and pick him up, and then we'll head to Dunn Bros. Coffee and spend a couple of hours writing. Or maybe an hour writing and an hour arguing about whether or not something is funny. Or maybe 10 minutes writing and 1:50 talking about what in the name of Agnes of God is happening on Heroes. Hell, it's a wonder we ever got the first play written!

So last Thursday, I'd just left work and was on my way to pick up Sean. I was headed east on the President George Bush Tollway (yes, here in Dallas we have a President George Bush Tollway, and the only reason I can stomach driving on it is because it isn't the President George W. Bush Tollway). I exited the tollway and stayed in the far left lane, which is for U-turns.

Okay, imagine if you will... my U-turn lane is virtually empty. Next to me, on my right, is a line of cars about 20 to 30 deep, waiting to turn left at the light. I'm zipping past them, minding my own business, whistling a happy tune...

...and suddenly, there's a Mercedes in my lane. I didn't even have time to hit the brakes before we collided and my car was slammed into the guard rail. Twisted metal, broken glass, the whole bit... For a second, I thought I was going to meet the Baby Jesus face to face, which would have been embarassing after all the mean things I've said about Him.

I got out of my car, my legs shaking so bad I could hardly stand. I wasn't hurt, and neither was the other guy, whom I'll call Mr. Meurgaonkar*. My car was smashed all to hell on both sides. I'd lost both mirrors, headlights, etc. His car was dented up, but still considerably better off.

So the first thing Mr. Meurgaonkar does is try to make it out to be my fault. He asked me, "Did you not see me signaling?" Despite the gallons of adrenaline coursing through my body, I'd like to mention that I was quite calm and relatively pleasant about the whole thing. I pointed out as politely as I could that he had been in a left turn lane with 20 other cars, and they were all signaling, and I had absolutely no reason to suspect he was going to suddenly pull in front of me when I got within 10 feet of him.

So Mr. Meurgaonkar offers up the second part of his defense. "Well, I checked the lane before I came over and I didn't see you." To which I replied, "Um, I don't know what to tell you, aside from the fact that I WAS THERE!"

We called the police, but they never showed up (apparently the police don't like to respond to a wreck in Carrollton unless there's an injury). So Mr. Meurgaonkar and I exchanged insurance information, and I had my car towed to the Saturn dealership. Mr. Meurgaonkar, who is for all intents and purposes a very decent man (with a poor understanding of traffic laws), dropped me off at Sean's house and I began the arduous process of notifying the insurance companies.

So long story short (as if that ship hadn't already sailed), Mr. Meurgaonkar filed a claim with my insurance company, and they denied it because he was blatantly at fault. My insurance company is covering my repairs, rental, etc. and they're in the process of collecting from his insurance company. My car suffered a lot of body damage and the front suspension is utterly fubar. The claims adjuster just called me and said they're estimating damages at $4,800. Because of Allstate's Accident Forgiveness, I'm currently out of pocket for a $50 deductable and .79 a day on the rental, all of which should be reimbursed once his insurance company pays up.

So I guess it could be worse. I could have died, or been seriously hurt. Or even suffered whatever debilitating brain damage it is that makes people in Texas keep voting for Bush.

*Not his actual name, but pretty darned close.


Kimmy753 said...

Christopher St. John..dang! Thank God you're ok!!!!!!!

Farrago said...

WOW! I'm glad you're okay...physically as well as financially! It's nice when it's the other guy's fault.

For what it's worth, since I moved back to Chicago in 1998, I've been rear-ended about once every three years. Fortunately only very minor damage in each case.


Sylvana said...

Glad to hear that you are OK. And still funny.

SJ said...

I'm glad it was a Mercedes. Makes it all sound more classy.

Oh. Also, glad you're okay.

mr. schprock said...

I can't believe you didn't throttle Mr. Meurgaonkar. He must have been nice in an extremely clueless, unintentionally obnoxious way.

Glad you're still alive, Irb!

shaffner said...

Bush will be on the next ballot, right?


SourKraut said...

This post is the embodiment of all that is wrong with America today!

This is a complete and utter disrespect for the cast system we've worked so hard to institutionalize, at such a huge financial cost.

How can a representative of the lower classes, as evidenced by the brand of vehicle being driven and so badly smashed into the guardrail, be allowed to win over the ruling class? The very class that affords the plebeian a job, housing, and a mediocre ride.

Where is the sense of equity in all that? Is it for people like that that my tax dollars go to Iraq to defend their freedom?

Who is that Irb person? To paraphrase the great Col. Jessep, "A man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide"!

I submit to you, gentle reader, that this man is an alien, and quite possibly an illegal alien.

Again, who else would drive a vehicle of a foreign planet origin if not an alien?


These comments are subject to further clarification from the owner of this blog.

It is entirely possible that the Mercedes driver belong to the same cast as the owner of this blog. Some entry models, and the illusion of property afforded by leases to the poor who like to pose, and God knows poseurs are Legion in the DFW metroplex!

Should the two drivers be of the same ilk, I have no interest in wasting time further, a I'll accept that traffic laws should then apply!

SourKraut said...

shaffner said...
"Bush will be on the next ballot, right?"

I wish we could amend the constitution.

Short of that, I will start campaigning fir Gaius Baltar in 2008.

shaffner said...

Now there's a candidate we can all get behind!