Monday, February 20, 2006

To All the Blogs I've Blogged Before...

I'm a shallow prick, and I'll be the first to admit it. As Dennis Miller once said, back when he was funny, "It's okay to be shallow so long as you're insightful about it."

So what's my point? I'm glad you asked, Winona.

I consider blog links to be a sacred, life-long commitment, like marriage or circumcision. If you linka me like I linka you like we linka both the same...

But I've been going through my blog links lately, and SOME OF YOU HAVE ABANDONED ME! I don't know why. Maybe it was because I use the word "retard" like it's punctuation, or maybe it's because I have a potty mouth, or maybe you just don't find me nearly as funny as I find myself. Personally, I find that hard to believe because I think I'm pretty goddamn fucking funny. And if you can't see that, then you're a retard.

Um, so anyway. To those of you who stopped linking to this blog, you are dead to me. No, don't bother trying to kiss up now. It's too late. The damage is done, and things will never be the same between us again.
You done stepped on my heart
And stomped that sucker flat.
I guess you sorta
Squished my aorta.
As for those of you who have stood by me and stayed linked to me through thick and thin, all I can say is that I love each and every one of you with the insane passion of Bradgelina. I would marry you if not for all those pesky same-sex/bigamy laws.

And finally, if through some terrible series of events far too horrible to contemplate you have linked to me and I have yet to return the favor, please let me know and I will rectify the situation post haste.

13 comments:

sideshow bob said...

Actually, your liberal use of "retard" is what won me over...

John said...

I hate being dead to peo-whathehell?!! It's sideshow bob! How about that.

Farrago said...

Please don't make me dead to you! I haven't yet figured out how to link to anyone, and I haven't had the time to try. It's all I can do to keep my own blog up to date (oops).

I read you just about every day, and I usually laugh. Some suspect it's gas, but who knows, really?

mr. schprock said...

Irb, I think you know I'm stuck on this blog at the molecular level. I just wish your site wasn't so darn porn free, that's all.

trinamick said...

How do you tell who has linked to you? Yes, I'm a retard. Deal with it.

Occasionally, I find someone is dead to me. It's usually the smell that tips me off.

Irb said...

SSB: Actually, your enchanting wife Sylvana has shown me the error of my ways. I'll be making the switch over to "asstard" any day now...

John: Aw, I could never quit you. You had me at "Zombie Rodney Dangerfield eating Karl Rove's brains."

Farrago: I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, my friend. But once you get those links figured out, I'd better be in a huge, garish font surrounded by dancing hamsters and Jesuses! Or Jesii! Whatever!

Der Schropckmeister: I just realized that Porn Free would a great title for a movie about lions who were born into a life of captivity but were eventually set free to pursue a career in adult films, such as The Loin King and The Lion, the Bitch, and the Horndog.

And I love you too, man.

Trinamick: I usually just stumble upon them by accident. The people that have linked to me, I mean. Not the people that are dead to me. I keep them in crawlspaces.

Farrago said...

Okay, I think I'm ready to try to figure out linking. How do you want your link to read? "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, YOU GODDAMN LIAR!" seems a little long, and "www.irbslice.com" looks too much like "Irb's lice." Afraid it might keep people away.

Awaiting your guidance,

Love,
Farrago

Farrago said...

Okay, I figured out making the link, but I don't know how to make it in huge, garish font with dancing hamsters and Jesi. To make up for that, I put you at the top of the links list as, simply, "Irb."

Does that work for you?

Irb said...

It's beautiful, Farrago. You have truly earned your place as third amongst my alphabetical list of other blogs. Well done, my good and faithful man-child.

SJ said...

is it weird that every time I see "trinamick" I read "Triaminic" and wind up coughing?

Even when you don't post for months, I'm gonna hang in there.

Irb said...

Well, let's hope those long-ass hiatuses (hiatii?) are behind us.

And as always, thanks SJ for being my diva in all things bloggy.

T.L. Barker said...

I'm back. Did you know it takes a week and a half to get DSL to your house in Los Angeles County. I could only imagine the MONTHS of wait time in a small place like Tulare, Ca. Anyway I am back and bull shitting blog style.

Irb said...

Welcome back, Barker!