It’s rough being a liberal in Texas. Seriously. At this point, I could get caught having sex with farm animals while wearing a Nazi uniform and, socially speaking, it would be a lateral move.

But here in the Bible Belt, where blind faith is a way of life, they continue to revere George W. Bush as perhaps the finest president this nation has ever known. And the most frustrating part is, none of them really seem to know why. If you ask them WHY they think Bush is the fucking messiah, their eyes glaze over and they start mumbling something about “terrorists” and “freedom.”

Clinton was a good president. He might have even been a great president, if not for his proclivity for lying, waffling, and getting blown in the Oval Office. That seems to be the general consensus among Democrats (at least the three or four that live here in Texas). We respected the man and appreciated all he was able to accomplish, but we were quite aware of his flaws. We supported him, but we weren’t blindly allegiant.

And it never occurred to us to refer to the multitudes of dissenting Republicans as “traitors” or “terrorists.” Because back in those days, America was still a country that encouraged free discourse. You could express your opinion without fear that some cousin-humping retard was going to stab you in the head with the plastic American flag he bought from MJDesign.

Bush and his Legion of Doom have dragged this country down to its lowest point since men stopped wearing powdered wigs. We’re devastated economically and reviled universally. We’re mired in a war that continues to claim the lives of those American soldiers that the Republicans pretend to love, and right now the only glimmer of hope on the horizon is Bush’s promise that somehow, everything will magically work itself out by June 30th.

But in spite of all of that, Bush enjoys the blind loyalty of the minority of voters that “elected” him. These rabid supporters maintain that Bush is a fine president, and that Clinton was the worst president we’ve ever had. The facts don’t seem to back this up, so I can only assume that they’re grading on some kind of curve.

Or they’re just too stupid to do the math.