Sorry ladies (and eternally optimistic gay men), but the Irbman's heart is officially off the market. I have become, as we say in this industry, 100% smitten.
And here's the totally bitchin' part... SHE DIGS ME TOO!!!
Her name is Stephanie, and we met in June at the Umberto Eco reading here in Dallas. She's dead sexy, fucking hilarious, and incredibly smart. She's also geeky in all the right places. I've never clicked with anyone like this before, and right now I feel totally exhilarated and giddy. Like a school girl. In Jello.
I had no idea women like this even existed. How come nobody told me before now?
Usually at this point, I'd be terrified. I've spent most of my life convinced that happiness is fleeting and something I'm just not intended to experience. I say that not to offer you insight into my dark and wondrous soul, but simply to explain why I tend to enter relationships half-heartedly, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
But it just feels different this time. I'm not trepidacious, just excited. Excited about the journey as much as the destination, as sappy as that sounds. Thrilled and still somewhat astonished that she finds me as adorable, sexy, funny, and smart as I find her.
Sigh... so anyway, I'd better wrap this post up before I start writing country-western music or cranking out stanzas of that lazy-ass poetry that doesn't rhyme. I'm sure nobody wants to read a bunch of paragraphs about how she's just a big schmoopy muffin basket full of puppies and rainbow kisses.
Besides, she reads this blog sometimes. She'd probably kick my ass if I did that.
It's All About Me
- Irb
- I am a straight white male between the ages of 17 and 44. I’m an Aries and a recovering Baptist. By national standards, I’m moderate in my politics, but by Texas standards I’m somewhere to the left of Lenin. I have a certain boyish charm that makes me irresistible to children, pets, and old people. I’ve grown indifferent towards the night life, and I no longer care to boogie. Like slightly more than 100% of the English majors I know, I’m a writer wannabe who has yet to get published. I am not now, nor have I ever been, “emo.” I have a singing voice that resembles the wailing of damned souls. I am the walrus, kookoo katchoo. I shot the sheriff. But, and I’d like to make this perfectly clear, I did *not* shoot the deputy. I once divided by zero. I used to think I had no discernable Texas accent, but a recent visit to Canada made me realize that I actually sound like goddamn Jethro. I believe the children are the future. And my hobbies include writing slash furry Star Trek fan fiction and sitting on the toilet until my legs fall asleep.
Visitors since 3/12/2008
Muahahahahahahahahaha!
6 comments:
Holy CRAP! That is fanfuckingtastic news! Happiness reigns supreme! And it didn't even involve Jesus in any way. Hallefuckingluiah.
Stephanie, you better treat him right. Make him say that L word. You'll both be the better for it, shmoopy muffin basket.
I would absolutely kick your ass for that, yes. But in a way calculated to be so fearfully endearing that you could marshall no defense. Bwa ha ha ha ha!
ix - for a moment I thought you were advising irb that Stephanie aka schmoopy muffin was "of the devil" ... but if you do decide to get really religiously freakily weird, you'll promise to do it right here on his blog, for our entertainment, right? Save him having to come up with another interesting post for a while :)
So THAT'S what you have been up to! You sneaky dog! Congratulations!
I realize this comment comes way late.. but i'd still like to point out to you that I DID TELL YOU WOMEN LIKE THIS EXISTED! I DID! I REALLY DID!
I know this is really late but congratulations. Then marriage, kids...a smooth slide down into conservatism... Your soul will be ours...We can wait, oh we can wait...
Post a Comment