My New Year's Resolutions

1. I will no longer refer to George W. Bush as a "retard," because I understand that comparison is hurtful to retarded people.


2. I will try to spend more time blogging, and less time downloading pictures of Jennifer Garner's feet.


3. When pulled over for speeding, I will quit saying to the officer, "Hey, I bet I can kick your ass and take that gun away from you before you finish writing that ticket!"


4. I will quit telling people that Dr. Phil is my girlfriend.


5. I will try not to leave any Jack Chick stuff at the top of my page for too long, because SJ finds it so unnerving.


6. I won't backdate my blog entries just so I'll have something in the January archives.


7. I will take my meds, because even one hitchhiker in a shallow grave is too many.


8. I will stop wiping my ass on the back of my shirt.