Sunday, January 02, 2005

My New Year's Resolutions

  1. I will no longer refer to George W. Bush as a "retard," because I understand that comparison is hurtful to retarded people.

  2. I will try to spend more time blogging, and less time downloading pictures of Jennifer Garner's feet.

  3. When pulled over for speeding, I will quit saying to the officer, "Hey, I bet I can kick your ass and take that gun away from you before you finish writing that ticket!"

  4. I will quit telling people that Dr. Phil is my girlfriend.

  5. I will try not to leave any Jack Chick stuff at the top of my page for too long, because SJ finds it so unnerving.

  6. I won't backdate my blog entries just so I'll have something in the January archives.

  7. I will take my meds, because even one hitchhiker in a shallow grave is too many.

  8. I will stop wiping my ass on the back of my shirt.

1 comment:

SJ said...

#8, Ew. Women all over the world are 'ewwing' that one.