Professor: If I have, in any way, contributed to your crumbling mental health, I humbly apologize and will make it up to your Kiddo by sending him a puppy or something...
Scarletvirago: My nine-year-old nephew says "chillax" a lot, mainly to annoy me. For some reason, he's also started saying, "Hoboes, cheerleaders, and house fires... coming up on FOX News." That one actually makes me giggle like Dick Cheney at a puppy's funeral.
Mr. Schprock: I KNOW! But I'm still holding out hope for the Wonder Woman costume...
Word Verification: "saitih" Thus saitih the Lord, "Ouch! Them nails is pointy!"
I don't mean to pick nits, but George Bush's term doesn't end until 2009. That is IF he doesn't declare martial law, shutting down all libraries, temples, ashrams, mosques and synagogues, wiretapping all our phones and bugging our homes, and declare himself "Emplorer for Life" before then.
Farrago: I've never been nervous about a lame duck president before, but these days I find myself wondering just how many nations Bush will be able to declare war on between November and January. To quote Patton Oswalt, "I don't think George Bush just wants to be president. I think he wants to be... THE LAST PRESIDENT!"
John: Innocent blood is so high in cholesterol that Cheney's withered little black stump of a heart just can't take it. His wife Lynn is trying to wean him off of it with Blood Beaters(tm), but it just isn't the same.
(Glad you're back, by the way! Nobel Prize winner Al Gore's Internet just seems empty and hollow without you.)
I am a straight white male between the ages of 17 and 44. I’m an Aries and a recovering Baptist. By national standards, I’m moderate in my politics, but by Texas standards I’m somewhere to the left of Lenin. I have a certain boyish charm that makes me irresistible to children, pets, and old people. I’ve grown indifferent towards the night life, and I no longer care to boogie. Like slightly more than 100% of the English majors I know, I’m a writer wannabe who has yet to get published. I am not now, nor have I ever been, “emo.” I have a singing voice that resembles the wailing of damned souls. I am the walrus, kookoo katchoo. I shot the sheriff. But, and I’d like to make this perfectly clear, I did *not* shoot the deputy. I once divided by zero. I used to think I had no discernable Texas accent, but a recent visit to Canada made me realize that I actually sound like goddamn Jethro. I believe the children are the future. And my hobbies include writing slash furry Star Trek fan fiction and sitting on the toilet until my legs fall asleep.
8 comments:
I love this list!!!!!!! I'm laughing out loud over here and Kiddo is looking at me like I've lost my mind.
I'm with you on the ginormous travesty, but I don't think chillax is as insidious as you fear. I'd never even heard it, before your blog!
But then, not a whole lot makes it under my little rock, here.
I agree with everything except letting up on Stephanie to dress like Little Debbie. That is not too much to ask.
Professor: If I have, in any way, contributed to your crumbling mental health, I humbly apologize and will make it up to your Kiddo by sending him a puppy or something...
Scarletvirago: My nine-year-old nephew says "chillax" a lot, mainly to annoy me. For some reason, he's also started saying, "Hoboes, cheerleaders, and house fires... coming up on FOX News." That one actually makes me giggle like Dick Cheney at a puppy's funeral.
Mr. Schprock: I KNOW! But I'm still holding out hope for the Wonder Woman costume...
Word Verification: "saitih"
Thus saitih the Lord, "Ouch! Them nails is pointy!"
I don't mean to pick nits, but George Bush's term doesn't end until 2009. That is IF he doesn't declare martial law, shutting down all libraries, temples, ashrams, mosques and synagogues, wiretapping all our phones and bugging our homes, and declare himself "Emplorer for Life" before then.
I'm just sayin'.
Hey now, Dick Cheney does NOT giggle at dead puppies. He salivates. Because the blood of the innocent is delicious.
Farrago: I've never been nervous about a lame duck president before, but these days I find myself wondering just how many nations Bush will be able to declare war on between November and January. To quote Patton Oswalt, "I don't think George Bush just wants to be president. I think he wants to be... THE LAST PRESIDENT!"
John: Innocent blood is so high in cholesterol that Cheney's withered little black stump of a heart just can't take it. His wife Lynn is trying to wean him off of it with Blood Beaters(tm), but it just isn't the same.
(Glad you're back, by the way! Nobel Prize winner Al Gore's Internet just seems empty and hollow without you.)
If you send him a puppy I'll hunt you down and make you watch Cheney and the puppy "play."
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